My kinda joke

What's green, has many holes and if it falls on top of you
it will crush you?

Have you got it? Do you know? No? Ok…I will tell you…

...a golf course, of course! Duhhh!

You didn’t find it funny? Oh well, you had to be there.

Absurd, off the wall jokes are my thing. The Goons are just so abstract. Monty Python equally so. You either like it or you don’t. There’s no middle ground. And there’s no getting used to it. You either get it or you don’t.

How about this one?

How do you get a dog to stop barking in the front garden?
You put it in the back garden off course!

I can just see you with your hands on your head, eyes rolling 🙂

Then there’s this one from The Goons:

Bluebottle: Eccles, what time is it?
Eccles: It's 8 o'clock.
Bluebottle: How do you know it's 8 o'clock?
Eccles: A nice man wrote it down on a piece of paper
for me this morning.
(disbelief...a slight pause)
Bluebottle: Why have you got it written down on a
piece of paper, Eccles?
Eccles: So that if anybody asks me for the time then
I show it to them.
Bluebottle: ...but Eccles, what if it isn't 8 o'clock
when they ask you?
Eccles: Then I don't show it to them.
Bluebottle: Eccles, how do you know when it's 8 o'clock?
Eccles: I've got it written here on a piece of paper.

Perfect logic, don’t you think? Can’t be faulted 🙂

Absurd and abstract.

You have to be there…


What kinda of jokes and humour do you like?


Better sex, more money, younger skin

Yeah yeah I know…it sounds just like the cover of a woman’s magazine, or a men’s magazine for that matter. These have quickly caught up with what men really want. It all started with David Beckham and the sarong! Remember that? Us humans can’t resist a headline like that. So many people are making a lot of money by selling dubious products on the web by hitting where we are weakest. For years and years and absolutely YEARS I spent thousands, in fact TENS of thousands of rands (I could’ve paid my house off already – see More Money below) on women’s magazines. I’m sure that articles were recycled every year or so. Because there is only so much that can be written on how to lose weight, how to win your dream guy and how to look younger in 10 days. This post is my take on better sex, more money and younger skin. Kinda…

Better Sex:

Some years ago my husband got a newsletter in the mail advertising a newsletter. If he signed up for a subscription, each month he would get a newsletter that promised him that he would discover thousands of secrets that would change his life for the better. Starting with getting free tickets to TV shows (Ag no please!), professional betting secrets revealed (Hmmm…), how to develop brain power while you sleep (YESSS please), what every man needs to learn from women (oh yeah!), a safer alternative to Viagra and it works in 10 minutes (…), why standing on your head can get you pregnant (I won’t be doing the headstand in yoga anymore!), and last but not least, how to have better sex (…). If I look through all the covers of Men’s Health and Cosmo for the last year, these will all undoubtedy be a cover article. He didn’t subscribe at the time (dang!) and this morning he pulled this out and we had a good laugh – better than the Sunday Times for sunday morning coffee reading.

More Money:

Um…well…no more online shopping – sorry Zando. Definitely no gambling (said above newsletter promised professional betting secrets revealed, and how to save R300,000 on your bond repayments). Or buying the face cream below.

Younger Skin:

There’s a pervasive ad on Facebook, it goes something like this, “Mother of 54 looks 34” – or something like that. Anyway you get the drift. What disturbs me is how Facebook determined that I needed to see that ad and pushed it to me. I am not 54 and I don’t buy skin products online, nor do I research skin care online either, but this is the topic for another post. Curiosity got the better of me so I clicked on the link :-). There was a huge long spiel on how dermatologists don’t want you to know this well kept secret. Well if it was a secret, it is no more, is it? IT’S ON FACEBOOK!!! So you have to buy the cream, and if you buy this cream, there is another cream that you can also buy and they work together to keep your skin 20 years younger. Suspicious of a scam I checked on Snopes and Scam Checker but it wasn’t listed – so it must be real. My great- grandmother swore by sweet almond oil. I swear by vitamin E and wheatgerm oil shots in my favourite moisturiser.

I haven’t bought a womans’ magazine in years and my bond is almost paid up. When it comes to skin care advice I call on the most beautiful woman that has been around the sun 69 times – my Mother. Her skin is smooth and flawless, so I reckon that she must know something about it. Re the better sex bit – this is a G rated blog and my nephews are my friends on Facebook, so that’s it for that.

Tell me – do you still buy womens’ magazines? Do you click on Facebook ads promising the fountain of youth? More importantly, have you bought that miracle face cream? What’s it like…?

Naughty corner

My 3 year old nephew is naughty. Off course, he is a boy, and he’s just behaving like one. Much to the exasperation of his parents and grandparents. As a result, he is intimately acquainted with the “naughty corner”.

So much so, that being sent to the “naughty corner” no longer fazes him. Don’t get me wrong…he hates the place, being ignored and not allowed to play with his toys. He invariably tries to make the customary get-away but his parents are way faster than him.

For someone so young, he already has a reputation in the family as taking after my Dad, his Grandpa. My Dad has a reputation in the family as having being a terror when he was a kid. Even now, 60 years later, his  antics are still recounted at family gatherings. Grandpa and grandson have a great rapport, not surprising.

I happened to chat with a collegue today whose son is 2 years old. I asked her if he had a “naughty corner”. She said that he has a “get-good corner”. I love the positive spin on this. If one sends a toddler to the “naughty corner” he is boxed into being naughty, and he eventually stops taking it seriously and carries on being naughty. But if one sends a toddler to the “get-good corner”, it gives him or her something to aspire to and has more of a learning connotation.

I know someone who was hoping that his wife was pregnant with a girl, because he says that girls are easy. I think I agree with him. Well, guess what…he’s having a boy. He has my sympathies. He should consider implementing the “get-good corner”.

I love my nephew, and quite happy to be the cool aunt. Next time I babysit him, I’m going to try the “get-good corner” concept. I want to remain the cool aunt.

Playboy bunnies and shoes

Sometime last year there was a huge billboard on the M1 close to Melrose Arch. It was for the new Playboy club and it had the photo of a voluptious Playboy bunny…facing the freeway. I am still amazed that there were no accidents on that stretch. The billboard really caught the attention. I cannot imagine any guy not to resist looking at it, and looking at it, and looking at it, eyes off the road.In any event, the billboard was up for just a few months and was replaced by another one, less dangerous to motorists.

A few months later, another billboard went up, in roughly the same area, but across the freeway from Melrose Arch. It was for Nine West. And it featured the most beautiful platform sandals. I could not keep my eyes off this billboard. The effect on any woman must have been like the Playboy billboard was to guys. It certainly was for me. I had to concentrate to keep my eyes on the road. I eventually bought the shoes.

Both billboards were successful I am sure. And I am certain that the startling shock factor of each was a well thought out strategy by the ad agency. It certainly worked for me. I wonder how many visits or memberships they got to the Playboy club with the other one? They got it just right. Put a scantily clad woman on a billboard to sell to most guys. Put a pair of shoes on a billboard to sell to most women. It works.

One man’s Playboy bunny is another woman’s shoes.

Blogging crisis

I’ve hit a blogging crisis! Aaarghhh… I enjoy writing but do people enjoy reading my writings?  Does my blog have relevance? Will I get return visits? Will my readers subscribe to it? I know I’m probably not the first blogger to wonder about this.

At the moment I have my friends coming by to read my posts (thank you :-)), and some are people that have found my blog via Google. This is very exciting.

When I started blogging I was asked what kind of blog is mine? At the time I had done a few posts on India. But to sustain a travel blog would not be realistic because I don’t travel as much as I would want to. Not like this guy, Johnny Vagabond. So, mine was not a travel blog. I also researched the winning blogs of the SA Blog Awards. Here I found different categories, like Science and Technology blogs, Food and Wine blogs and Fashion Blogs. But I was sadly dismayed to find that there isn’t a “Personal” blog category section. Because my blog is mainly a personal blog.

As I was trawling through the web these past few days (that’s where I’ve been, in cyberspace), I found Squidoo. It’s an online content publishing platform. You can literally build a page in minutes. These pages are called “lenses”. There are a variety of types of “lenses”. One of my favourite “lenses” is one on how to knit socks – go on by and take a look. They look so beautiful. No, I’m not about to start knitting socks, but I am fascinated at the range of information and patterns in this “lens” about knitting socks, the tools needed to knit socks, and the different methods of knitting socks, to name but a few of the posts in this “lens”. Who would have thought this topic to have such wide applicability and information.

I guess there are blogs for all all tastes and interests. I trust that I will find more readers that will keep coming back for more. And tell their friends about it too. I must just keep writing.

Social Entrepreneur, chief wide eyed in wanderer, wonderer and bottlewasher


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